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pinkxsunrise
The Camper
Posts: 64
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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Hey everyone - okay so there's this guy that I've been involved with for over a year now. We do have sex regularly with no strings attached. Sometime last year he told me he actually liked me and wanted to get serious but I rejected the idea of a relationship and we've still remained friends w/ benefits. I'm starting to like him and want to take it to the next level...can you guys please help me here? Do you think I should even pursue it or no? How can I get him to like me on a more serious level?
FYI - I don't know if this will help but we hang out with all of our friends - my friends really like him and his really like me...i don't know if that helps or hurts the situation but yeah pleaseeee help!!!
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YaDawg
Valued Contributor
Posts: 326
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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der is no way that you can make him like you on another level....honestly I dont know what you can do but I think one of ur options is to either be completly honest, stop it all and see what he does, or just not do anything since u rejected him
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pinkxsunrise
The Camper
Posts: 64
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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:/ Really? That sucks..
What do you mean by stop? Like hooking up?
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YaDawg
Valued Contributor
Posts: 326
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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yeah...
well Im not sure i just think those are your options, with each guy it's different you know
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pinkxsunrise
The Camper
Posts: 64
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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Owch. If it helps at all...I didn't reject him - I just told him I wasn't looking for a relationship at that time. So, you'd suggest that I move on? I don't know if I should tell him I like him because it may cause awkwardness between our friends and stuff so...I'm kinda stuck lol.
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YaDawg
Valued Contributor
Posts: 326
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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| pinkxsunrise wrote: | | Owch. If it helps at all...I didn't reject him - I just told him I wasn't looking for a relationship at that time. So, you'd suggest that I move on? I don't know if I should tell him I like him because it may cause awkwardness between our friends and stuff so...I'm kinda stuck lol. |
This is tough..if you tell him how u feel he might end it all cus mabe he doesnt feel the same...if u dont tell him he mite be feelin it and ul never know....if u stop all together wit the hooking up mite as well tell him how u feel and end all dat shiz cus either way its going be akward either way
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Vor
The Camper
Posts: 163
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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your his b1tch sad to say
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beta 2.0
Valued Contributor
Posts: 251
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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| Vor wrote: | | your his b1tch sad to say |
do you bump your head often?
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pinkxsunrise
The Camper
Posts: 64
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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How am I his bitch if he's the one who wanted to be in a relationship in the first place? Everything between us has been mutual - no one is no one's "bitch". Neither one of us hide eachother - and our friendship isn't a secret. I don't understand..
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TlRaUmTbH
Supreme Member
Posts: 2345
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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I'm still on benefits w/ my ex.. 
Honestly though nobody know your exact situation, u should talk to him about it.. All I know is that when a girl turns my down when i'm at a bad time in life(drunk, messed up hair, casual clothes -_-, cursin alot from anger) I wouldn't give her a chance later in life, when I'm a better person leading her to like me in the way I liked her b4.... 
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bordum
Supreme Member
Posts: 5052
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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| YaDawg wrote: | | der is no way that you can make him like you on another level....honestly I dont know what you can do but I think one of ur options is to either be completly honest, stop it all and see what he does, or just not do anything since u rejected him |
She just said that the guy said he liked her, how is it impossible?
Talk to him, even if he doesnt want a serious relationship, im sure he wont want the fwb deal to stop 
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*Shamiram*
Supreme Member
Posts: 1681
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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I never understood the friends with benefits concept. Have some respect for yourselves, ladies.
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Mukik
Moderator
Posts: 8174
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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Sham is back?!?
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TlRaUmTbH
Supreme Member
Posts: 2345
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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| Mukik wrote: | | Sham is back?!? |
Is this the first time u changed ur avy??
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Vor
The Camper
Posts: 163
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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| *Shamiram* wrote: | | I never understood the friends with benefits concept. Have some respect for yourselves, ladies. |
+1 
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pinkxsunrise
The Camper
Posts: 64
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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I'm sorry - but for a person who begins their post by admitting they do not understand the concept of friends w/ benefits should not try and advise me or any other woman nor assume we do not respect ourselves.
Unlike many young Armenian women - I do not live in a world where I plan on being in a serious relationship from the time I'm 12 to til I get married at 23. I live in a world where I have enough power and respect for myself to make my own decisions and not let judgemental people who DO NOT UNDERSTAND dictate how I live my life. Thank you.
As for those of you who are making an attempt to help me out - I truly appreciate it.
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exxx248
Supreme Member
Posts: 2476
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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just tell him what your feelings are towards him simple and see what happens
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YaDawg
Valued Contributor
Posts: 326
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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your 12?
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PUREinfatuation
Loyal Member
Posts: 608
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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I dont believe in friends let alone friends with benefits
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YaDawg
Valued Contributor
Posts: 326
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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friends wit benefits is possible but for a short period of time and you gotta be strong..both cus one will always fall for the other
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*Shamiram*
Supreme Member
Posts: 1681
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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| *Shamiram* wrote: | | I never understood the friends with benefits concept. Have some respect for yourselves, ladies. |
P.S. If a man truly digs you, you'll know it. There will never be any question about his feelings. If you can't tell, chances are he's probably just not that into you at this point. No need to go throwing yourself at any man. Ever.
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*Shamiram*
Supreme Member
Posts: 1681
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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| pinkxsunrise wrote: | I'm sorry - but for a person who begins their post by admitting they do not understand the concept of friends w/ benefits should not try and advise me or any other woman nor assume we do not respect ourselves.
Unlike many young Armenian women - I do not live in a world where I plan on being in a serious relationship from the time I'm 12 to til I get married at 23. I live in a world where I have enough power and respect for myself to make my own decisions and not let judgemental people who DO NOT UNDERSTAND dictate how I live my life. Thank you.
As for those of you who are making an attempt to help me out - I truly appreciate it. |
Oh I'm sorry, let's see if I didn't understand this properly. This man comes, screws you, leaves. Correct? Correct. You're disposable to him. Always have been. Feminist theory has taught you to believe that being treated badly is actually YOUR decision. Poor girl.
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baa_aper45
Valued Contributor
Posts: 439
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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| *Shamiram* wrote: | | Oh I'm sorry, let's see if I didn't understand this properly. This man comes, screws you, leaves. Correct? Correct. You're disposable to him. Always have been. Feminist theory has taught you to believe that being treated badly is actually YOUR decision. Poor girl. |
You misunderstand. Man enjoys the feeling of his penis inside a vagina. Woman enjoys the feeling of a penis inside her vagina. Man and woman come together and put his penis inside her vagina. Natural desires are fulfilled, pleasure is attained, man and woman part ways until their next meeting. Plebeians with irrational moral codes attempt to lecture participants about respect and values while man and woman continue to achieve pure biological ecstasy.
That's generally how it goes, in my experience.
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MaratMilano
Supreme Member
Posts: 4077
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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I love when people have sht on a silver platter still can't figure stuff out.
YOU GUYS ARE ALREADY HAVING SEX. WHERE'S THE DIFFICULTY?
If he already liked you before, and is continuing to have sex...it means he still has retained the attraction but just trying to shut up about it to not scare you away (so he can at least hold on to the physical aspect of it).
Just start treating him more like a boyfriend (bringing him along to social gatherings and holding his hand, having more serious talks about where you two stand, etc).
You've spread your legs for him, you can't open your emotions? How are you having difficulty just TELLING him you like him if you've already reached the utmost intimacy with him for a YEAR now.
Sham, I know you're one of the more enlightened and mature members of the forum's past, but I disagree with you here. The girl hasn't exactly been "used" here. She had her chance, the guy liked her and told her about it and it was SHE who pushed away a chance at something serious.
I've been in in this guy's position before. You tell the girl you like her and she just says she wants to hook up. You like the physical intimacy so you agree to it, and you feel stupid and "girly" for being the one to be catching the feelings. Yes, its an immature way to think but its natural and a male-ego thing. You just shut up from there on and continue to have the sex.
As far as I'm concerned, its the GIRL'S move now, if she likes him. He won't say anything now, he doesn't want to be turned down for a relationship a 2nd time. The ball is in her court, now that she feels like something like that can work out.
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*Shamiram*
Supreme Member
Posts: 1681
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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| baa_aper45 wrote: | You misunderstand. Man enjoys the feeling of his penis inside a vagina. Woman enjoys the feeling of a penis inside her vagina. Man and woman come together and put his penis inside her vagina. Natural desires are fulfilled, pleasure is attained, man and woman part ways until their next meeting. Plebeians with irrational moral codes attempt to lecture participants about respect and values while man and woman continue to achieve pure biological ecstasy.
That's generally how it goes, in my experience. |
Let's not complicate things. Morality is a social construct; I don't espouse it. My objection to the concept has nothing to do with society's views; it has everything to do with the woman's views of herself and the boundaries she chooses to maintain (or not) in her interactions with others. That's the context I place this in, and no other.
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ssatana
Loyal Member
Posts: 600
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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i agree with sham on this one. girls need to seriously create some kind of a boundary for themselves and have some respect for their bodies.
and then these same guys go around looking for a virgin to marry ..... smh
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baa_aper45
Valued Contributor
Posts: 439
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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| *Shamiram* wrote: | | Let's not complicate things. Morality is a social construct; I don't espouse it. My objection to the concept has nothing to do with society's views; it has everything to do with the woman's views of herself and the boundaries she chooses to maintain (or not) in her interactions with others. That's the context I place this in, and no other. |
So essentially, your issue is not with the morality of the situation, but rather the morality of the situation.
Intriguing.
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*Shamiram*
Supreme Member
Posts: 1681
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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Aper, it might help you understand what I'm saying if you can mentally break up our society into systems. For example, individual, family, community, (and so on and so forth). You're trying to frame the issue on a larger societal (community and its morals) scale. I see it as a function of her definitons of her own identity (the individual subsystem). It's a question of self-determination, choosing her own roles and marking her own boundaries--I agree with her on that. I don't agree with her particular process of self-determination, that's all.
(my approach to these issues is never the standard moralistic one; don't try to make it into that)
P.S. Marat, feel free to disagree with me as much as is humanly possible.
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baa_aper45
Valued Contributor
Posts: 439
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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I never said anything about societal matters. Nothing I've said would suggest anything about anybody basing any argument off of social mores.
Are you implying that the girl not respecting herself, the girl throwing herself to a man and the girl being treated badly are not issues of an individual's morality? I'm not even sure what you're trying to argue since you're basically rewording what you've said several times with no substantial additions.
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Darky
Supreme Member
Posts: 5996
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Tue Feb 02, 2010
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| pinkxsunrise wrote: | Hey everyone - okay so there's this guy that I've been involved with for over a year now. We do have sex regularly with no strings attached. Sometime last year he told me he actually liked me and wanted to get serious but I rejected the idea of a relationship and we've still remained friends w/ benefits. I'm starting to like him and want to take it to the next level...can you guys please help me here? Do you think I should even pursue it or no? How can I get him to like me on a more serious level?
FYI - I don't know if this will help but we hang out with all of our friends - my friends really like him and his really like me...i don't know if that helps or hurts the situation but yeah pleaseeee help!!! |
I read it twice, I still dont understand what you need help with.
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| Friends W/ Benefits - Help
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