| |
| Author |
Message |
|
CurlzNCouture
Loyal Member
Posts: 689
|
|
|
Sun Mar 07, 2010
|
ok so ive made some stupid choices in my past...but ive changed a lot over the years and promised myself i wud never make those mistakes again. But wen i meet a guy now..and genuinely get close with him, i start getting scared and block him out and even make up stupid excused or fights to make him not wanna talk to me anymore and go away...i dont know if i shud tell the guy things about my past...or just ignore it and leave everything a secret...  idk how to handle this problem can u guys help? plz be nice...
|
|
 |
|
SmileforDevil
Supreme Member
Posts: 1066
|
|
|
Sun Mar 07, 2010
|
| CurlzNCouture wrote: | | ok so ive made some stupid choices in my past...but ive changed a lot over the years and promised myself i wud never make those mistakes again. But wen i meet a guy now..and genuinely get close with him, i start getting scared and block him out and even make up stupid excused or fights to make him not wanna talk to me anymore and go away...i dont know if i shud tell the guy things about my past...or just ignore it and leave everything a secret... idk how to handle this problem can u guys help? plz be nice... |
Have sex with me one last time, then I'll help you change your ways and on your way to a happily ever after  
|
|
|
|
CurlzNCouture
Loyal Member
Posts: 689
|
|
|
Sun Mar 07, 2010
|
| SmileforDevil wrote: | | Have sex with me one last time, then I'll help you change your ways and on your way to a happily ever after |
ok that wuz rude....ive already changed my ways...
|
|
|
|
SmileforDevil
Supreme Member
Posts: 1066
|
|
|
Sun Mar 07, 2010
|
| CurlzNCouture wrote: | | ok that wuz rude....ive already changed my ways... |
I'm kidding.... Depends on what you're talking about...If there are things that he'll find out eventually, tell him when you feel like there's enough of communication going on both ways that you can get your point across to him, if not then don't bother.
Also, how old are you? and how old are the guys that you're interested in? If he aint mature, don't even worry about tellin him anything, just get him hard, milk him and go on to the next 
Other than that, keep your past to yourself, what they don't know wont hurt them
|
|
|
|
Sincities818
Supreme Member
Posts: 1136
|
|
|
Sun Mar 07, 2010
|
| CurlzNCouture wrote: | | ok so ive made some stupid choices in my past...but ive changed a lot over the years and promised myself i wud never make those mistakes again. But wen i meet a guy now..and genuinely get close with him, i start getting scared and block him out and even make up stupid excused or fights to make him not wanna talk to me anymore and go away...i dont know if i shud tell the guy things about my past...or just ignore it and leave everything a secret... idk how to handle this problem can u guys help? plz be nice... |
it all depends on what u did in da past and how bad it was..there are sum things women don't have to tell their men. its not like they sit down and tell us everything they've done in da past. a women needs to keep sum things to herself...if what u did in da past was pretty bad and u kno that they will find out by someone else other then u sooner or later then i suggest u tell him da truth. (b/c karasoon orits amenincha juri eresa helnoum) In my case if i had a bf now and i lied to him and said that i was a virgin and we had sex and he realized i wasn't a viring then basically da shyt would hit da fan. I prefer tellin my guy the truth about that certain topic and if he doesn't accept it then it's his loss. If ur truly meant to be with sum1 then they'll love u for u and who u are not for sum mistakes that u made in da past. No ones perfect. Besides ur past makes u into who u are today.
|
|
|
|
Sincities818
Supreme Member
Posts: 1136
|
|
|
Sun Mar 07, 2010
|
*virgin*
|
|
|
|
alina1693
Supreme Member
Posts: 1072
|
|
|
Sun Mar 07, 2010
|
What you have done has shaped you into who you are today. Whatever these events are however, are not everyone's business. If you and your boyfriend are intimate and very serious with each other then I think he deserves to know. Right along with that however I think he should accept the fact that it is your PAST and it doesn't mean you will still react in the same way as you did years ago. If your love is strong enough this will only make your relationship stronger. If it breaks you guys apart then you probably shouldn't be with him in the first place.
Good luck
|
|
|
|
.Dev.
Loyal Member
Posts: 972
|
|
|
Sun Mar 07, 2010
|
We are all prone to making mistakes, you shouldn't let your past get in the way of becoming closer with someone you're genuinely into. If you feel the guy isn't going to be accepting of your past based on his expectations of you, then he probably isn't the kind of guy you would want to commit to. It'd help to know what kind of stupid choices you've made in the past..(I'm guessing it involves sex/boys).
|
|
|
|
CurlzNCouture
Loyal Member
Posts: 689
|
|
|
Sun Mar 07, 2010
|
eh...true..its jsut scary for me cuz i dont want for them to think badly of me cuz people make mistakes you know and ive made mistakes...and many people have basically effed me emotionally/mentally. it almost makes me wanna just give up on people -_-
..and im 19...the guys ive talked to have been my age...
|
|
|
|
CurlzNCouture
Loyal Member
Posts: 689
|
|
|
Sun Mar 07, 2010
|
| .Dev. wrote: | | We are all prone to making mistakes, you shouldn't let your past get in the way of becoming closer with someone you're genuinely into. If you feel the guy isn't going to be accepting of your past based on his expectations of you, then he probably isn't the kind of guy you would want to commit to. It'd help to know what kind of stupid choices you've made in the past..(I'm guessing it involves sex/boys). |
id rather not get into detail here its very personal
|
|
|
|
SmileforDevil
Supreme Member
Posts: 1066
|
|
|
Sun Mar 07, 2010
|
| CurlzNCouture wrote: | | id rather not get into detail here its very personal |
You can talk in private messages let me know, I'll PM you, kuz you can't yet.
That being said...the guys you are talking to (age bracket in mind) most likely will not understand you, so the less you try with people, the better your opinion will be of guys, just look harder and longer, and find someone mature, then tell him the truth, but only after a while of talking and making sure they can handle things like a man.
|
|
|
|
.Dev.
Loyal Member
Posts: 972
|
|
|
Sun Mar 07, 2010
|
Ya, just pm him...
Yes haves chunem
|
|
|
|
CurlzNCouture
Loyal Member
Posts: 689
|
|
|
Sun Mar 07, 2010
|
| SmileforDevil wrote: | You can talk in private messages let me know, I'll PM you, kuz you can't yet.
That being said...the guys you are talking to (age bracket in mind) most likely will not understand you, so the less you try with people, the better your opinion will be of guys, just look harder and longer, and find someone mature, then tell him the truth, but only after a while of talking and making sure they can handle things like a man. |
good advice
i think im jst gna give it a break for a while and focus on other things cuz this problem has literally been driving me crazy for much too long...
|
|
|
|
Wh1teRos3
The Camper
Posts: 145
|
|
|
Sun Mar 07, 2010
|
definitly tell him everything...no matter if its something he will end up finding out or not. To actually love someone and be close with them you got to share absulutly EVERYTHING with tht person even if it will hurt them... If hes your soulmate then give it time and he will realize that loosing you for something in your past isnt worth it. Honesty is really the best policy.
|
|
|
|
A girl with a dream
The Camper
Posts: 148
|
|
|
Mon Mar 08, 2010
|
You should tell him. If you start a relationship by keeping something behind for him or telling him lies it's never gonna have a happy ending. Someday he will find out. Plus you will feel quilty all the time.There's nothing you can do but try to except your past. Nothing is gonna change it. And your past is always gonna have an influence on your future. That's just the way it is. Sorry to tell you.
If you tell the guy and he leaves you because of it, move on.
If he doesn't leave, nothing is gonna stand in your way.
My past has ruined a future for me and the one I love. I regret my past every single day. But nothing is gonna change it. I keep regretting it, but I accept that it isn't gonna change.
|
|
|
|
ComingCloser
Valued Contributor
Posts: 150
|
|
|
Mon Mar 08, 2010
|
Better he knows your past (especially if it's bugging you so much) –it will actually ease your conscious.
If he is not able to accept it, then let it be and move on; if, however, he accepts that your past is your past, and that you've changed your ways, then keep "getting to know one another" until you feel ready to take the next step.
Some people will respect the fact that someone has been honest and upfront with them, especially with regards to such sensitive issues.
You never know, perhaps he has a similar past.
|
|
|
|
*Shamiram*
Supreme Member
Posts: 1795
|
|
|
Mon Mar 08, 2010
|
Oh lord, this topic; I'm not sure I should even get involved here.
One word: communication! Not for his sake, but for yours--for your sense of personal integrity. And what Devil said--don't get involved with immature asses in the first place.
P.S. @ the girl who said her past ruined a future for her with her loved one: please leave that relationship. Please, do yourself that favor.
|
|
|
|
*Shamiram*
Supreme Member
Posts: 1795
|
|
|
Mon Mar 08, 2010
|
re: P.S. above.... if you haven't already
|
|
|
|
CurlzNCouture
Loyal Member
Posts: 689
|
|
|
Mon Mar 08, 2010
|
thanx u guys this is all really good advice
i was totally expecting to get bashed >.<
your right it probably will feel better to be honest and not have this trillion pound weight on my shoulders..
|
|
|
|
A girl with a dream
The Camper
Posts: 148
|
|
|
Tue Mar 09, 2010
|
| *Shamiram* wrote: | | re: P.S. above.... if you haven't already |
I haven't. And I don't think I would do myself a favor by doing that. He's not just my boyfriend, he's also my best friend. I would feel all alone. It's not that I don't have other friends or family that care about me, but my relationship to them is different. Nobody knows me like he does. He understands me. But actually I really don't wanna start another discussion about this. 'Cause the first one was bad enough. I'm not a stupid girl. Actually I'm pretty smart about everything except this. And if someone would tell this story to me, I would say 'leave him' too. But I don't want to. Right now I'm pretty happy and I really don't feel the need to make my life miserable any sooner than it has to be. If I stay with him another year, maybe two. I'm not gonna cry more tears when it's over then than I would do now. It's already too late, I already love him with all the love I got to give.
|
|
|
|
A girl with a dream
The Camper
Posts: 148
|
|
|
Tue Mar 09, 2010
|
then that*
|
|
|
|
A girl with a dream
The Camper
Posts: 148
|
|
|
Tue Mar 09, 2010
|
then that*
|
|
|
|
*Shamiram*
Supreme Member
Posts: 1795
|
|
|
Tue Mar 09, 2010
|
| A girl with a dream wrote: | | I haven't. And I don't think I would do myself a favor by doing that. He's not just my boyfriend, he's also my best friend. I would feel all alone. It's not that I don't have other friends or family that care about me, but my relationship to them is different. Nobody knows me like he does. He understands me. But actually I really don't wanna start another discussion about this. 'Cause the first one was bad enough. I'm not a stupid girl. Actually I'm pretty smart about everything except this. And if someone would tell this story to me, I would say 'leave him' too. But I don't want to. Right now I'm pretty happy and I really don't feel the need to make my life miserable any sooner than it has to be. If I stay with him another year, maybe two. I'm not gonna cry more tears when it's over then than I would do now. It's already too late, I already love him with all the love I got to give. |
You just took me back 10 years with this. I feel ya, girlie, I really do... I just hope you will both find it within yourselves to forgive the other for what is about to happen to both your lives.. Wish you the best though; truly...
|
|
|
|
Darky
Supreme Member
Posts: 6778
|
|
|
Tue Mar 09, 2010
|
|
|
|
|
DaBigBoss
The Camper
Posts: 95
|
|
|
Tue Mar 09, 2010
|
curlzncoture how long have you been with the guy and how old is he ?
|
|
|
|
highpleasure
The Quiet Type
Posts: 10
|
|
|
Tue Mar 09, 2010
|
| CurlzNCouture wrote: | | ok so ive made some stupid choices in my past...but ive changed a lot over the years and promised myself i wud never make those mistakes again. But wen i meet a guy now..and genuinely get close with him, i start getting scared and block him out and even make up stupid excused or fights to make him not wanna talk to me anymore and go away...i dont know if i shud tell the guy things about my past...or just ignore it and leave everything a secret... idk how to handle this problem can u guys help? plz be nice... |
I would highly suggest you to be totally honest with the guy and tell him who you really are and things you have done. Show your good sides as well. If he chooses to except you for who you are then that’s better but if he’s not than let it go. Soon or later your secret will come out and he will find out. You don’t want to waste your time nor his. Plus you don’t want to start a relationship best on lies. The foundation should be pure and strong.
|
|
|
|
Darky
Supreme Member
Posts: 6778
|
|
|
Tue Mar 09, 2010
|
For those of you that are telling her to tell him the truth and if he accepts you great! if he doesnt oh well!
umm How many guys is this girl gonna go through? How many guys is she gonna share her personal story with to find one that is gonna be accepting? (donno the severity of her case) But if its something that personal, you would think it woud be very hard for her to share it with a guy. Imagine being rejected by someone you chose to open up to that much.
I say, you dont owe an explanation to anyone. That doesnt mean you have to lie. Theres a balance between the two, find it.
|
|
|
|
LiLhYeCuTiEPiE
Supreme Member
Posts: 8785
|
|
|
Tue Mar 09, 2010
|
My advice is don't lie about a thing.. If you both start to have feelings for each other. Only if you sincerely start to develop feelings for him definitely don't lie. Everything that happened in your past makes you who you are today so don't try to hide that. If you understood your mistakes then I'm sure if he's mature enough and if he likes you enough he'll take it like a man and understand you. If he chooses not to then with all honestly togh sikitira kashi eta. You're better off with someone you can be honest with and will love you unconditionally.
|
|
|
|
LiLhYeCuTiEPiE
Supreme Member
Posts: 8785
|
|
|
Tue Mar 09, 2010
|
| LiLhYeCuTiEPiE wrote: | | My advice is don't lie about a thing.. If you both start to have feelings for each other. Only if you sincerely start to develop feelings for him definitely don't lie. Everything that happened in your past makes you who you are today so don't try to hide that. If you understood your mistakes then I'm sure if he's mature enough and if he likes you enough he'll take it like a man and understand you. If he chooses not to then with all honestly togh sikitira kashi eta. You're better off with someone you can be honest with and will love you unconditionally. |
And I'm definitely not saying be honest with every guy u think likes you enough or you think you like.. Not at all. Someone you really get to know for a long time .. If he's asking questions too soon tell him you're not comfortable sharing that info wit him n that if you feel he deserves it enough you will open up when comfortable..
But make sure you analyze his mentality and what type of a person he is. Make sure he's not an immature air head.
|
|
|
|
CurlzNCouture
Loyal Member
Posts: 689
|
|
|
Tue Mar 09, 2010
|
| Darky wrote: | For those of you that are telling her to tell him the truth and if he accepts you great! if he doesnt oh well!
umm How many guys is this girl gonna go through? How many guys is she gonna share her personal story with to find one that is gonna be accepting? (donno the severity of her case) But if its something that personal, you would think it woud be very hard for her to share it with a guy. Imagine being rejected by someone you chose to open up to that much.
I say, you dont owe an explanation to anyone. That doesnt mean you have to lie. Theres a balance between the two, find it. |
see thats wut i was thinking cuz if i open up and tell every guy i get close with wut if one day they all blab to their friends and it spreads...thats the last thing i want o.O
|
|
|
The Past Is Always With Me...
|
